I must be too annoying 4 u.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
