Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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