wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
