Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
