..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
