If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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