I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
