It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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