I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
