Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
