we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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