It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
