Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
