Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
time to smoke my breakfast
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
