I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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