Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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