i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize