It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
