is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
