trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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