No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
