Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
oh god the rape fog is back!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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