There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
