I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just googled if crying burns calories
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Is Oprah even human
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
