I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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