hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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