OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
