i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
