$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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