I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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