I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
