Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
