Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
