i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
