I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
