ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
