Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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