ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
