Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Don't make out with my wife yet
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
