I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
