She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
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Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
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There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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