your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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