I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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