Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
