My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
