She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
