You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
