If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
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i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
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she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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