I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
