is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
