areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
