I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
