non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
