why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
