You can't motorboat a personality
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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