I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
