he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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