i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
