I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
