First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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