Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
